tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
