Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
