Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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