i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
