I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
