Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize
