i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
