Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
