I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize