She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
