dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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