a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
