You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
