I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize