He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
