Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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