dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
