More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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