I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize