i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize