matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
