I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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