oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So apparently I’m into choking now
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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