I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize