In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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