Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
