I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize