Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
