I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
