I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
