He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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