someone threw a dead crab at me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
