Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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