He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
