My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
