omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He passed out mid-signature
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize