he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
