...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
