It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
