The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I smell like Dick and happiness
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
