This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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