Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
