He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
whose parrot is this?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
