I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
