Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
