i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
