He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
