This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize