The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
