I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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