probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
