his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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