I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
