He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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