There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize