The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
