We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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