I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
