Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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