Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
