i just had sex bonerless
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
