my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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