Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Randomize
