At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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