did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
