Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
