i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
