I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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