i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
