ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize