ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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