just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
