he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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