i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
