six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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