He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just high enough for therapy.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
