Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
