Hey man sorry I got all grabby
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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