My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
