I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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