Fuck appropriateness.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
