Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
