i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
